So today i had the retake test of my Mathematics course that i follow in my Mechatronics study. The goal was to reach 70% mastered in a web based math program/environment called Aleks, by MC Graw Hill. It would give us whats known as a CKC (comprehensive knowledge check) and based on how you made the test, it would either raise your percentage but it could also drop your percentage. I was at 85% before the test and i thought i had learned most topics quite well, but turned out to be totally wrong! At the end of the test I landed at 60%, so Aleks droped my percentage down by 25% which is just too much… Also weird is that i barely got any exercises that i did master and i did find easy and I did get quite a few exercises that i never ever seen/touched before. Another classmate was at 75% but he got lucky and landed at 70% but also due to him getting more of the topics he actually knew. This is just unfair! Idk if its just bad luck or the fact I never was good at Mathematics and i never learned it right on my previous school, but this just ruined my whole day and i am sad and upset about it that i’ll cry myself to sleep… And this is already the 2nd time i am doing this maths course over. I did improve on my previous time scores and got a bit better, but its still not enough and i did spend a fair amount of time in Aleks and all that work and spent time pretty much gone to waste.. Education at my previous highschool was known to not be the best quality so maybe its also partially that but i dont know and i dont like to blame stuff, although i did also often
I dont want to do this whole math course over yet a 3rd time and also it conflicts with my moral compass as my parents are the one paying for/funding my study and its not cheap either. Its a few thousand euros… But i myself also am not the richest. Sucks really bad…. I did send an email to my mentor/studycoach about the bad news and i will have a talk with him in a few days and then i will see whats possible or what needs to be done/how we are going to handle it all… I do have almost enough ECT’s (European Credit tokens) to go to Semester2 of year 1. Its nice as i am also doing semester 1 over again. So i have to pass 1 subject to move to semester2 but i dont know how it will be with math of semster 1 in semester 2. I did do Dis1B (Digital software engineering) retake and passed that test with a 6.4 grade, but idk about FEE (Fundamentals of electrical engineering) which i also just had a test about on the 21st of April, but i do atleast get a retake for that. With Math’s its bascially you have 2 tries. The real test and the retake and f you dont pass those, you need to do the whole course over again. But its also that after Math is done, some months will have passed before we get another chance at the course. So it just causes delay and thus also costs money which is not fun!
The saying is “third time’s a charm”, but I dont want to retake it purely out of conflict with my moral compass and also because i dont want to do this whole course over and spend time that might just again end up wasted for nothing. I know, nothing in life is wasted and every experience you gain and every struggle you get are there for a reason but i am not happy about it. I will speak a little about it with my mentor hopefully soon and see if we can build a plan that works.
This situation is quite the bomb for my positive optimistic side and i went in the test with the mindset of “I will absolutely destroy this test”, but then i did not know it meant in the bad way… Boom, my optimism and positive vibes totally ruined and now my whole day is also ruined. And we have a week holiday and i am sad that i wont be going into the weekend and holiday with a good vibe.
I cant do much now unfortunately so i will try my best to make it so i will atleast close off this day with a good vibe and will try to not let the bad vibes take over.. Also i hope i dont get nightmares tonight about this stupid test. But it takes time to process.. Writing this article on this blog is helping me get rid of some of that upset-ness. I will probably sit/chill outside in the sun and maybe read stuff. Maybe listen to music or watch youtube. It is nice warm weather today in the Netherlands so i will take advantage of that. I am atleast proud of myself for dedicating almost 3 ish weeks purely to Mathematics and i spent litteraly every day in Aleks grinding away for hours and that i survived it all, althoug with unfortunately a bad outcome. I neevr seen myself this productive so thats a win!
I alr feel much better writing this and i will treat myself further with good vibes. So yeah thats a bit what i am up to today. This blog will still be mostly tech related stuff, but i also decided to post some personal life stuff on it and some articles about myself and my current life. You will find those under the ‘personal-life’, ’lets-have-a-talk’ and ’non-tech’ tags. Have a nice day, take care and till next post.